I asked You to save me just six months ago.
My life was a shambles—I’d nowhere to go.
You then took me under Your sheltering wing
And gave to my poor heart a new song to sing.
I lived ‘neath the shadow of Your wing a while,
For there by Your side it was easy to smile;
But one day I wandered away from the nest,
And since that dark night my soul hasn’t found rest.
Restore unto me, Lord, the joy I once knew,
The joy of salvation found only in You.
I know I’m not worthy Your grace to obtain,
So I claim Your mercy, full pardon to gain.
July 1, 1990
© 2017 Angela Umphers Rueger – All Rights Reserved
Here is another breadcrumb along the path to my full story about Bipolar. I grew up in a Christian home. My parents took us girls to church from the time we were little. I had gone to public school through the fifth grade, but I attended Christian school from 6th grade through high school, and even went to a Christian university. I knew a lot about God, and I had prayed “the sinner’s prayer” at the age of eleven, but I did not know God on a personal level.
Then on December 27, 1989, at the age of 21, and halfway through my junior year at a Christian university, God showed me through a novel I was reading, of all things, that the problems in my life all stemmed from the fact that I knew about Him, but I didn’t know Him. I was not God’s child. If I had died that night, or any night before then, I would be in hell today. The scariest part is that I had already attempted suicide at least three times by then, but God had mercifully thwarted my efforts.
As is obvious in the poem, all did not remain roses and sunshine after I received Christ as my Savior. In fact, the Christian life became harder after I began to walk the walk than it had been before, when I was merely talking the talk. For one thing, the devil didn’t give me a hard time when he already had me on his side. Of course, all that changed when I switched sides.
Not only that, but getting saved did not automatically cure me of bipolar, nor did it make me sinlessly perfect. I was a child of God, but I was a baby Christian who needed time to grow. But thankfully my Father was very patient and loving.